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Broken yet deeply, fiercely loved…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:15 Moses turned and went down the mountain with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands. They were inscribed on both sides, front and back. 

Moses talked God out of destroying the Israelites in His anger over the golden calf incident. Yet when he, Moses, saw the Israelites dancing around the golden calf, he was so incensed that he smashed the Ten Commandments tablet. More interesting to me is the fact that the pieces of the broken tablet and the whole, rewritten tablet of the Ten Commandments both were placed in the Ark of the Covenant.

Exodus 32:16 The tablets were the work of God; the writing was the writing of God, engraved on the tablets.

One article I found said, “Putting the broken tablets in the Ark of the Covenant is to put our failure at the heart of our relationship with God.” That is a powerful thought. I want to hide my failures, to keep them from God, but they are a crucial part of our relationship. It is because of my failures that I need Him so much. It is in spite of my failures that He loves me so much.

Exodus 32:19 When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. 

Lord, Thank You for the powerful truth that I am broken yet deeply, fiercely loved by You. Thank You that even in my failure, You cover me with Your grace. Help me to love as You love–compassionately, gracefully, abundantly. Amen.

Exodus 32:20 And he took the calf the people had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder, scattered it on the water and made the Israelites drink it.

Have a blessed day.

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Allowing time for growth and maturity…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:10 Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.”

I listened to commentary the other day that posited that perhaps these verses are a test for Moses. Will he speak up for the Israelites, God’s chosen people? (He does.) And when I think about Moses’ reaction when he finally comes down the mountain and sees what they are up to, I wonder if it was God’s way, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, of reminding Moses of the godly potential in the Israelites before he descends and sees their terrible behavior.

Exodus 32:12 Why should the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he brought them out, to kill them in the mountains and to wipe them off the face of the earth’? Turn from your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people.

I also listened recently to a sermon by Nadia Bolz-Weber on Luke 13:6-9, the parable of the fig tree, and today’s scripture brought it to mind. The Israelites, like the fig tree, have potential, but they haven’t lived into that potential…YET. If Moses destroyed them in his anger, that potential will never be fulfilled. But if he “digs around it and put manure on it,” tending and nurturing the Israelites, there is still hope that they will fulfill their potential.

Exodus 32:13 Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Israel, to whom you swore by your own self: ‘I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and I will give your descendants all this land I promised them, and it will be their inheritance forever.’ ” 

Lord, Just like the Israelites, You see such potential in us. Just like the Israelites, we sometimes disappoint greatly. Thank You for allowing time for growth and maturity. Thank You for not ripping us out by the roots when we disappoint. Help us to be patient and diligent as we grow and mature in our faith. Help us to be rooted and nurtured in You so that we can reach our full potential. Amen.

Exodus 32:14 Then the Lord relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened.

Have a blessed day.

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Drawing closer to God…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:21 He said to Aaron, “What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?”

A Google search on the weakness of Aaron yields this nugget: “His major failures were caused by his inability to stand alone. His yielding to public pressure…” We certainly see this tendency as he talks about how he came to have the gold for the idol. When the Israelites ask him to make them an idol, he offers no resistance, no words of wisdom about why that’s a bad idea. He throws himself into the task at hand.

Exodus 32:22 “Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. 

But as I was talking with a friend yesterday, she wondered what the Israelites, fickle as they were, would have done if Aaron hadn’t been there, if it had just been the Israelites hanging out by themselves while Moses was up the mountain for 40 days. Given how they acted *with* Aaron, their behavior could have been so much worse without him. Did the golden calf incident save them from a worse fate?

Exodus 32:23 They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’

Lord, You tell us in Romans 8:28 that You can use all things for our good and Your glory. Help me to make wise decisions. Help me to lean on trusted advisors. And when I do mess up, which is bound to happen again and again, help me to learn, to draw closer to You, and to move forward. Amen.

Exodus 32:24 So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”

Have a blessed day.

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Open hearts and minds…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:21 He said to Aaron, “What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?”

Way back in Exodus 3, God called Moses to deliver His people from exile. Moses came up with a bevy of excuses (“Who am I to do this?” “What am I supposed to tell them?” “What if they don’t believe me?” “I’m not a very good speaker.” “Please send someone else.” Exodus 3-4). Because Moses was so reluctant, so hesitant to accept God’s call, God suggested Moses take Aaron with him. And look how that turned out for Moses.

Exodus 32:22 “Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. 

I wonder how this scene would have turned out had Moses, back in Exodus 3, said immediately, “I’ll go, Lord. I know You are with me. I know You will guide me.” But he didn’t. He doubted and whined and made excuses. And God still used him, but Aaron led the whole golden calf debacle. I wonder how many times in my own hemming and hawing and floundering I’ve caused similar issues, similar grief and discord, when, if I had trusted and obeyed, things could have gone relatively smoothly. I’m sure I’ll never know.

Exodus 32:23 They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’

Lord, You don’t want automatons who mindlessly obey. You want people who love You, who follow You, who listen to You with open hearts and minds. Thank You for the ability to seek and question, even when it doesn’t turn out as I hoped. Thank You for using all of life to draw me closer to You. Help me not to be afraid, even when I can’t see what’s ahead. Amen.

Exodus 32:24 So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”

Have a blessed day.

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Even in our brokenness…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:7 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt.

I read something last night that said, “Nothing says you can’t be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.” That thought seems relevant here. The Israelites, God’s chosen people, are so….what? Afraid? Fickle?…that they have turned from God to a golden calf. Not a banner day for them, to be certain.

Exodus 32:8 They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, ‘These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.’

I talk a lot with my students about making peace with themselves, with ‘the guy in the glass.” Some days, that guy does everything right. Some days are stellar, and it’s easy to be ok with the guy in the glass. But other days, that guy messes up every single thing he touches. Other days, the best we can do is say, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” I hope the Israelites are able to keep that kind of perspective as well.

Exodus 32:9 “I have seen these people,” the Lord said to Moses, “and they are a stiff-necked people.

Lord, We are a stiff-necked people, willful, fickle, afraid. Thank You for the many, many ways that You show Your fierce love, even in our brokenness. Help us to love ourselves and others. Help us to cling to you. On those days when we get everything wrong, help us to keep trying to become the people You designed us to be. Amen.

Exodus 32:10 Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.”

Have a blessed day.

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Lord, Forgive me…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:1 When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”

I struggle with laying my worries at Jesus’s feet and leaving them there. I put them down easily enough, but I usually only step away for a beat or two before I pick them back up. If I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt, I would probably say that I felt like I need to *do* as well as *be,* so I pick them up because I don’t want Jesus to perceive me as a slacker. I’m not sure the truth is that kind, though.

Exodus 32:2 Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” 

I see myself in the Israelites’ behavior today. Laying  my troubles at Jesus’s feet is like the Israelites waiting while Moses goes up the mountain. Me taking those troubles up again is like the Israelites asking Aaron to make them an idol because, essentially, Moses is taking too long. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matt 26:41).

Exodus 32:3 So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. 

Lord, Forgive me for my impatience and self-reliance. Forgive me for my fear and doubt. I do trust You, Lord. Help me to trust You more, to lay my worries at Your feet and leave them there. Period. “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). Amen.

Exodus 32:4 He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

Have a blessed day.

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The illusion of control…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:17 The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. 

Like many, I struggle with scarcity mentality, with the fear of lack, of running out. I joke that I could survive for a very long time if I were cut off from all means of obtaining necessities because of the things I’ve squirreled away. This tendency doesn’t fill me with joy, however.

Exodus 16:18 And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.

This tendency feels like a necessity, but what it really is is a crutch to give me the illusion of control, and God has been whispering to my heart for a while to surrender this tendency to Him, to fully trust Him, to rely on Him instead of clinging to the illusion that I am in control.

Exodus 16:19 Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

Lord, Trying to maintain the illusion of control is exhausting. Trying to squirrel things away so that I feel safe is exhausting. I hear You calling me to surrender this illusion of control, to trust that You will provide for me daily–manna from Heaven. I want to listen. I want to heed Your voice, but I’ve been trying to do it on my own for so long that I don’t know where to start. Help me, Jesus. Amen.

Exodus 16:20 However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Have a blessed day.

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Manna to remind them…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:6-7 So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, “In the evening you will know that it was the Lord who brought you out of Egypt, and in the morning you will see the glory of the Lord, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?”

Change stresses me out. I don’t handle it well. I don’t like the unknown. And I’ve got a whole lot of change coming. I am cranky. I grumble A LOT. I don’t like it. I don’t like me when I’m like this. The emotions don’t feel good within my body. And my cranky grumbling spills out into every area of my life. Jesus, Help me.

Exodus 16:8 Moses also said, “You will know that it was the Lord when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the Lord.”

My behavior feels very much like the Israelites in this passage of Exodus. They grumble, whine, complain because they are scared. And Moses and Aaron point out, repeatedly, that it is God whom they are grumbling against, not man. God hears them. And instead of smiting them to shut them up, God gives them manna to remind them that He loves them and will provide.

Exodus 16:9 Then Moses told Aaron, “Say to the entire Israelite community, ‘Come before the Lord, for he has heard your grumbling.’ ”

Lord, I do not want to grumble. I don’t want to be afraid. Thank You for this reminder that Your default is compassion, not rage. Thank You for the reminder that You understand the human tendency to doubt, fear, and grumble. I know that You send manna daily, provision and blessings for me. I know it, even in my fear. Help me to be grateful instead of grumbly. Grant me Your peace. Amen.

Exodus 16:11-12 The Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.’ ”

Have a blessed day.

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The effects of this constant gathering….(devo reflection)

Exodus 16:19 Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

I am the queen of squirreling things away in case I need them for later. I do it with food (a random bag of chips, a “sweet treat” that I don’t want now but might at some point, a bottle of water that I know I’ll drink…eventually). I do it with things–things that I don’t need, don’t want, but I might….someday.

Exodus 16:20a However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning…

I don’t know how much I’ve ever paid attention to the effects of this constant gathering, this constant fear of being without, this constant, self-reliant squirreling away. But it feels terrible, the emotional equivalent of manna being full of maggots and stinking.

Exodus 16:20b …but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Lord, You are my Shepherd. I lack nothing. I know this is true, and yet, I fear, I scrounge, I squirrel away manna that was never meant to be kept. Forgive me. Lead me beside quiet waters. Refresh my soul. Help me to fear no evil, Lord, because You are with me. Your rod and staff comfort me (Psalm 23:1-4). I don’t want to be a grumbling Israelite, hoarding manna that You freely provide because You love me. I want to be Your faithful, trusting servant. Help me, Lord. Amen.

Exodus 16:21 Each morning everyone gathered as much as they needed, and when the sun grew hot, it melted away. 

Have a blessed day.

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Help me to trust…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 

I can so empathize with the Israelites in this passage. How many times have I taken this attitude in my own life? “Lord, Things are fine! Why do they have to change? I don’t want them to change. I don’t like change. I understand where I am right now. I know what to expect. I don’t want to have to figure out the unknown.”

Exodus 16:3a The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt!…

As I am typing this reflection, God has brought to mind the end of my first year of teaching. I was miserable, but I would have stayed because it had become familiar. But God said to trust, and I did, albeit kicking and screaming. And 14 interviews later, I ended up here, where I met my husband, started a family, have taught so many wonderful young people, have made so many dear friends.

Exodus 16:3b …There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted…

Lord, You have shown me again and again that I can trust You, that You will provide, that You will make a way for me. Forgive me that trust is still so hard. Help me, when I am afraid, to remember all the times that You have provided for me daily, even when my path was uncertain. If I cannot fully conquer my fears, then help me to trust You in spite of them. Amen.

Exodus 16:3c …but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”

Have a blessed day.