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Even in our brokenness…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:7 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt.

I read something last night that said, “Nothing says you can’t be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.” That thought seems relevant here. The Israelites, God’s chosen people, are so….what? Afraid? Fickle?…that they have turned from God to a golden calf. Not a banner day for them, to be certain.

Exodus 32:8 They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, ‘These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.’

I talk a lot with my students about making peace with themselves, with ‘the guy in the glass.” Some days, that guy does everything right. Some days are stellar, and it’s easy to be ok with the guy in the glass. But other days, that guy messes up every single thing he touches. Other days, the best we can do is say, “I’ll try again tomorrow.” I hope the Israelites are able to keep that kind of perspective as well.

Exodus 32:9 “I have seen these people,” the Lord said to Moses, “and they are a stiff-necked people.

Lord, We are a stiff-necked people, willful, fickle, afraid. Thank You for the many, many ways that You show Your fierce love, even in our brokenness. Help us to love ourselves and others. Help us to cling to you. On those days when we get everything wrong, help us to keep trying to become the people You designed us to be. Amen.

Exodus 32:10 Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.”

Have a blessed day.

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Lord, Forgive me…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 32:1 When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”

I struggle with laying my worries at Jesus’s feet and leaving them there. I put them down easily enough, but I usually only step away for a beat or two before I pick them back up. If I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt, I would probably say that I felt like I need to *do* as well as *be,* so I pick them up because I don’t want Jesus to perceive me as a slacker. I’m not sure the truth is that kind, though.

Exodus 32:2 Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” 

I see myself in the Israelites’ behavior today. Laying  my troubles at Jesus’s feet is like the Israelites waiting while Moses goes up the mountain. Me taking those troubles up again is like the Israelites asking Aaron to make them an idol because, essentially, Moses is taking too long. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matt 26:41).

Exodus 32:3 So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. 

Lord, Forgive me for my impatience and self-reliance. Forgive me for my fear and doubt. I do trust You, Lord. Help me to trust You more, to lay my worries at Your feet and leave them there. Period. “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). Amen.

Exodus 32:4 He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

Have a blessed day.

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The illusion of control…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:17 The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. 

Like many, I struggle with scarcity mentality, with the fear of lack, of running out. I joke that I could survive for a very long time if I were cut off from all means of obtaining necessities because of the things I’ve squirreled away. This tendency doesn’t fill me with joy, however.

Exodus 16:18 And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.

This tendency feels like a necessity, but what it really is is a crutch to give me the illusion of control, and God has been whispering to my heart for a while to surrender this tendency to Him, to fully trust Him, to rely on Him instead of clinging to the illusion that I am in control.

Exodus 16:19 Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

Lord, Trying to maintain the illusion of control is exhausting. Trying to squirrel things away so that I feel safe is exhausting. I hear You calling me to surrender this illusion of control, to trust that You will provide for me daily–manna from Heaven. I want to listen. I want to heed Your voice, but I’ve been trying to do it on my own for so long that I don’t know where to start. Help me, Jesus. Amen.

Exodus 16:20 However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Have a blessed day.

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Manna to remind them…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:6-7 So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, “In the evening you will know that it was the Lord who brought you out of Egypt, and in the morning you will see the glory of the Lord, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?”

Change stresses me out. I don’t handle it well. I don’t like the unknown. And I’ve got a whole lot of change coming. I am cranky. I grumble A LOT. I don’t like it. I don’t like me when I’m like this. The emotions don’t feel good within my body. And my cranky grumbling spills out into every area of my life. Jesus, Help me.

Exodus 16:8 Moses also said, “You will know that it was the Lord when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the Lord.”

My behavior feels very much like the Israelites in this passage of Exodus. They grumble, whine, complain because they are scared. And Moses and Aaron point out, repeatedly, that it is God whom they are grumbling against, not man. God hears them. And instead of smiting them to shut them up, God gives them manna to remind them that He loves them and will provide.

Exodus 16:9 Then Moses told Aaron, “Say to the entire Israelite community, ‘Come before the Lord, for he has heard your grumbling.’ ”

Lord, I do not want to grumble. I don’t want to be afraid. Thank You for this reminder that Your default is compassion, not rage. Thank You for the reminder that You understand the human tendency to doubt, fear, and grumble. I know that You send manna daily, provision and blessings for me. I know it, even in my fear. Help me to be grateful instead of grumbly. Grant me Your peace. Amen.

Exodus 16:11-12 The Lord said to Moses, “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.’ ”

Have a blessed day.

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The effects of this constant gathering….(devo reflection)

Exodus 16:19 Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

I am the queen of squirreling things away in case I need them for later. I do it with food (a random bag of chips, a “sweet treat” that I don’t want now but might at some point, a bottle of water that I know I’ll drink…eventually). I do it with things–things that I don’t need, don’t want, but I might….someday.

Exodus 16:20a However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning…

I don’t know how much I’ve ever paid attention to the effects of this constant gathering, this constant fear of being without, this constant, self-reliant squirreling away. But it feels terrible, the emotional equivalent of manna being full of maggots and stinking.

Exodus 16:20b …but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Lord, You are my Shepherd. I lack nothing. I know this is true, and yet, I fear, I scrounge, I squirrel away manna that was never meant to be kept. Forgive me. Lead me beside quiet waters. Refresh my soul. Help me to fear no evil, Lord, because You are with me. Your rod and staff comfort me (Psalm 23:1-4). I don’t want to be a grumbling Israelite, hoarding manna that You freely provide because You love me. I want to be Your faithful, trusting servant. Help me, Lord. Amen.

Exodus 16:21 Each morning everyone gathered as much as they needed, and when the sun grew hot, it melted away. 

Have a blessed day.

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Help me to trust…. (devo reflection)

Exodus 16:2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 

I can so empathize with the Israelites in this passage. How many times have I taken this attitude in my own life? “Lord, Things are fine! Why do they have to change? I don’t want them to change. I don’t like change. I understand where I am right now. I know what to expect. I don’t want to have to figure out the unknown.”

Exodus 16:3a The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt!…

As I am typing this reflection, God has brought to mind the end of my first year of teaching. I was miserable, but I would have stayed because it had become familiar. But God said to trust, and I did, albeit kicking and screaming. And 14 interviews later, I ended up here, where I met my husband, started a family, have taught so many wonderful young people, have made so many dear friends.

Exodus 16:3b …There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted…

Lord, You have shown me again and again that I can trust You, that You will provide, that You will make a way for me. Forgive me that trust is still so hard. Help me, when I am afraid, to remember all the times that You have provided for me daily, even when my path was uncertain. If I cannot fully conquer my fears, then help me to trust You in spite of them. Amen.

Exodus 16:3c …but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”

Have a blessed day.

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Quiet my soul…. (devo reflection)

Zechariah 3:1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him.

Reading today’s scripture brought Exodus 14:14 firmly to mind: “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Joshua doesn’t utter a word in this exchange. He allows the Lord, the angel of the Lord, to fight for him.

Zechariah 3:2 The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?”

Maybe if we are on a holy battlefield with God and the devil that “be silent” part is easier. In life it’s often not. We feel the need to explain, to justify, to defend, usually to no avail. It makes me wonder how differently battles in my life, battles with human, fleshly, fallible people just like me, would turn out if I more often took Exodus 14:14 to heart, remaining silent and allowing God to fight for me.

Zechariah 3:3 Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel.

Lord, You plucked me from the fire. You cleansed my soul and exchanged my dirty rags. You stood up for me in the face of Satan, claiming me as Your beloved child. And all You asked of me was repentance and return. You didn’t need my help at all. Yet still I feel the need to defend myself to others instead of being calm and quiet and letting You fight for me. Forgive me. Quiet my soul within me. Draw me closer to You. Amen.

Zechariah 3:4 The angel said to those who were standing before him, “Take off his filthy clothes. Then he said to Joshua, “See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you.”

Have a blessed day.

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Words of comfort…. (devo reflection)

2 Chron 32:7 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him.”

These words bring me great comfort—“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged…, for there is a greater power with us….” With the turmoil I feel these days, these are words of comfort. God is here. He’s got me. I’ll be ok—even as the storm rages—because He is holding me. Thank You, Jesus.

2 Chron 32:8 “With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said. 

Immanuel, God with us. (Matt 1:23) The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still (Exodus 14:14). God is here. He’s got me. I’ll be ok—even as the storm rages—because He is holding me. Thank You, Jesus.

2 Chron 32:21 And the LORD sent an angel, who annihilated all the fighting men and the commanders and officers in the camp of the Assyrian king. So he withdrew to his own land in disgrace….

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You for the reminder that You are here, that You’ve got me, that I WILL be ok because I am Your deeply loved child. Help me to cling to Your promises. Help me be mindful that You are taking care of me on every side. Draw me closer. Amen.

2 Chron 32:22 So the LORD saved Hezekiah and the people of Jerusalem from the hand of Sennacherib king of Assyria and from the hand of others. He took care of them on every side.

Have a blessed day.

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Little by little…. (devo reflection)

Deut 7:22 The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you.
Patience is a virtue that I have a tremendously hard time with. I don’t mind being patient as long as it can happen right now. But that’s not how God works. He often works little by little, bringing us slowly to changes and understandings for our good and His glory.
Exodus 23:29 I will not drive them out before you in a single year….
Sometimes, like in Deut 7:22, He tells why His way, little by little, is the best way. More often, He just asks us to trust that He knows what He’s doing, even if we don’t understand.
Exodus 23:30 Little by little I will drive them out ahead of you, until you become fruitful and possess the land.
Lord, Thank You for this day, for this scripture, for this reminder that You see the bigger picture, that You have a plan, that You know what You are doing, even if we don’t understand. Help us to keep walking in faith, Lord, even when we are uncertain or afraid. Help us to trust and obey, to know that You are making a way, little by little. Draw us closer. Amen.
1 Cor 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
Have a blessed day.

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A heart so focused…. (devo reflection)

Numbers 14:12 “I will strike them down with plague and destroy them, but I will make you into a nation greater and stronger than they.”
If I were Moses’s mother, I would be very proud of his spiritual growth. He’s come a long way from asking God to “Please send someone else” (Exodus 4:13). God has offered Moses the opportunity to be a founding father of Israel, on par with Abraham and Isaac. He is willing to wipe out all the Israelites and start over with Moses.
Numbers 14:13 Moses said to the LORD, “Then the Egyptians will hear about it! By Your power You brought these people from among them.” 
But Moses doesn’t even appear to consider the offer. His heart is so focused on shining God’s light and caring for God’s people, that he launches immediately into the reasons why God should show mercy (because it will diminish His glory—the Egyptians will assume He isn’t powerful enough—and because showing mercy to the Israelites will show His grace and love). There seems to be no thought at all about what Moses might gain from the situation, showing a true servant’s heart.
Numbers 14:15-16 “If You put all these people to death…the nations who heard this report…will say, “The LORD was not able…, so He slaughtered them in the wilderness.’”
Lord, Thank You for this day, for this scripture, for this glimpse into the heart of one of Your servants. Help us to always focus on shining Your light and nurturing Your people, with no thought to our own egos or personal gain. Draw us closer. Amen.
Numbers 14:19 “In accordance with Your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as You have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now.”
Have a blessed day.