Job 10:1 “I loathe my life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.”
The spring and summer of 2017 were a time of tremendous pain, stress, and loss. A heart attack, an unexpected, devastating death, an impulsive suicide attempt paired with grief and an utter lack of impulse control, leading to fear of a reprise. Interestingly, with all the heavy hits, the straw that broke the camel’s back was utterly insignificant. Through all the fear, grief, and turmoil, I never asked, “Why, God?” But an unexpected visit when the only thing I asked God for was the time, space, and privacy for the hubs and I to make a crucial decision without interference brought me to my knees.
Job 10:8 “Your hands shaped me and made me. Will You now turn and destroy me?”
I remember, vividly, walking the dog around the yard, yelling at God: “Seriously?!? With all I’ve had to endure, I asked for ONE thing, and You can’t even give me that?” You won’t be surprised to know I never got an answer, but what I did get was His presence through it all. None of it was easy. Some days I had to take it one breath, one step at a time. But I learned unequivocally that He is with me, even when life is grossly unfair, that His strength is sufficient, even when mine is gone.
Job 10:20 “Are not my few days almost over? Turn away from me so I can have a moment’s joy.” (NIV)
Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You that I can be real and honest and broken with You. Thank You for Your steadfast presence and strength when the world feels like it is falling apart. Thank You for never turning away, even in my anger and fear, even when I lash out at You in my pain. Thank You for Your mercy and grace and Your deep love for me. Amen.
Job 10:20 “I have only a few days left, so leave me alone, so that I may have a moment of comfort….” (NLT)
Have a blessed day.