A Work in Progress….

Job 13:3 “… I desire to speak to the Almighty and to argue my case with God.”

My first reaction to this verse is shock at Job’s nerve. My internal dialogue is, “Seriously, dude? You want to go toe-to-toe with God? That won’t end well.” And then I think back to the spring of 2017, to stomping angrily around the yard, yelling my frustration at God, exhausting my anger, and realizing that even when He says no, even when I am angry and afraid, even when I don’t understand, I trust Him because He loves me.

Job 13:15 “Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him.”

What if I were not so open about my emotions? What if I had stuffed down my anger, frustration, and ultimately, fear? It would not have led me closer to God. It would have put a barrier between us. Only when I allowed myself to give vent to that anger was I able to move past it to the fear that lay just under the surface. Only then was I able to say that even though I felt like everything was falling down around me, I knew God loved me, loved those I love, and that He had some higher purpose that I could not understand. Being honest with God about the anger allowed me to move through to trust.

Job 13:20 “Only grant me these two things, God, and then I will not hide from You….”

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You for the reminder that we can be real and honest with You, that You are big enough to handle these feelings, and that only by going through those feelings can we emerge into foundationally-solid trust in You. Draw us closer. Amen.

Job 13:22 “Then summon me and I will answer, or let me speak, and You reply to me.”

Have a blessed day.

Job 10:1 “I loathe my life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.”

The spring and summer of 2017 were a time of tremendous pain, stress, and loss. A heart attack, an unexpected, devastating death, an impulsive suicide attempt paired with grief and an utter lack of impulse control, leading to fear of a reprise. Interestingly, with all the heavy hits, the straw that broke the camel’s back was utterly insignificant. Through all the fear, grief, and turmoil, I never asked, “Why, God?” But an unexpected visit when the only thing I asked God for was the time, space, and privacy for the hubs and I to make a crucial decision without interference brought me to my knees.

Job 10:8 “Your hands shaped me and made me. Will You now turn and destroy me?”

I remember, vividly, walking the dog around the yard, yelling at God: “Seriously?!? With all I’ve had to endure, I asked for ONE thing, and You can’t even give me that?” You won’t be surprised to know I never got an answer, but what I did get was His presence through it all. None of it was easy. Some days I had to take it one breath, one step at a time. But I learned unequivocally that He is with me, even when life is grossly unfair, that His strength is sufficient, even when mine is gone.

Job 10:20 “Are not my few days almost over? Turn away from me so I can have a moment’s joy.” (NIV)

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You that I can be real and honest and broken with You. Thank You for Your steadfast presence and strength when the world feels like it is falling apart. Thank You for never turning away, even in my anger and fear, even when I lash out at You in my pain. Thank You for Your mercy and grace and Your deep love for me. Amen.

Job 10:20 “I have only a few days left, so leave me alone, so that I may have a moment of comfort….” (NLT)

Have a blessed day.

Job 9:15 “Though I were blameless, I could not answer Him; I could only plead with my Judge for mercy.”

I am thankful that I can read this chapter through the lens of Jesus. The Old Testament God and the new New Testament God are very different. One is angry and vengeful. The Other will leave the 99 to save the one. I am thankful that I CAN plead with my fiercely loving, grace-filled Judge for mercy and know that He hears and answers my prayers, even if I can’t yet perceive it.

Job 9:27-28 “If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression and smile,’ I still dread all my sufferings, for I know you will not hold me innocent.”

As Job wrestlers with his inability to cleanse himself of his sinfulness, the verses in today’s reflection, for me, underscore the fact that I am not worthy, can never be worthy, and yet, mercifully, I am still washed clean by my Savior. There is much hope for me here.

Job 9:29 “Since I am already found guilty, why should I struggle in vain?”

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You for the hope that can only come from You. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, who has the power, love, grace, and mercy to cleanse me of my sins, especially since I lack all power to do so on my own. Let Your praise always be on my lips. Draw me closer. Amen.

Job 9:30-31 “Even if I washed myself with soap and my hands with cleansing powder, you would plunge me into a slime pit so that even my clothes would detest me.”

Have a blessed day.

Job 8:3 “Does God pervert justice? Does the Almighty pervert what is right?”

Thus begins the speech, dare I say accusations, if Bildad. To paraphrase, “God is just. He rewards the good and punishes the wicked.” “Clearly you brought this on yourself” is definitely implied. It was common philosophy of the time, but utter rubbish, especially in light of the first chapter of Job, where God praises Job for his faithfulness and allows ha satan (the accuser) to test him. 

Job 8:20 “Surely God does not reject one who is blameless or strengthen the hands of evildoers.”

God doesn’t reward the good and punish the wicked. It might seem fair and just if life worked that way, but life is more complex. Humans are more nuanced. Perhaps this is the root of much of my struggle with the book of Job. God seems unfair. His actions seem unjust. But as I am reading Job this time, I just keep thinking that there is simply so much that I just don’t know, that I can’t understand. God is sovereign, and I am not. God is loving, to a degree that it is impossible for me to understand. I can trust Him.

Job 8:21 “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You for the hope in verse 21. No matter the trials we face, no matter the cause, You are greater, more loving, more merciful. You will yet fill my mouth with laughter and my lips with shouts of joy. Help me to hold on to that hope, no matter what I face. Draw me closer. Amen.

Job 8:22 “Your enemies will be clothed in shame, and the tents of the wicked will be no more.”

Have a blessed day.

Job 4:6 “Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope?”

Again, as I struggle to make sense of Job, I do so by relating it to what I understand, which is not an entirely accurate way to approach Job, I am learning through additional study. However, Eliphaz, I sincerely believe, is trying to bring Job a measure of comfort. In doing so, he basically tells Job that surely he is being punished by God for some sin. Ouch.

Job 4:7 “Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed?”

But how many times have I, too, put my foot squarely in my mouth when trying to help or bring comfort? I am learning, instead, the beauty of presence. Just like no one could mitigate my grief with their words, I can’t either. And sometimes my words bring unintended pain. So I try to love through my presence. Like the friends did in the last chapter, I try to simply be there, so they know they are not alone.

Job 4:8 “As I have observed, those who plow evil and who sow trouble reap it.”

Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. Thank You for the ability to come back to Your word again and again, to look and read and understand with new eyes. Help me, Lord, to comfort those who are grieving. Help me shine Your light in their darkness, reminding them that You are near and they are not alone. Draw me closer. Amen.

Job 4:9 “At the breath of God they perish; at the blast of His anger they are no more.”

Have a blessed day.