Job 30:15 “Terrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away by the wind, my safety vanishes like a cloud.”
Job continues to be hard for me because it takes me back to 2017 and all the loss and emotional turmoil of that time. I remember, vividly, questioning God, railing against God, so angry, so sad, so at loose ends because the blows just kept coming. I remember wondering where God was in the middle of it all, why He seemed so silent when I needed Him so desperately.
Job 30:16 “And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me.”
I had absolutely come to the end of myself, to the end of my understanding of God, Whom I thought I knew. I was at a terribly frightening crossroads where I had to decide if I believed in the sovereign, loving God that I professed to believe in. If so, then that meant that even in this horrible time with blow after blow, loss after loss, even when He seemed utterly silent, entirely absent, even when I could not feel His presence at all, if He is who He says He is, that means He is still with me, still loves me, is still working all things for my good and His glory, even then.
Job 30:20 “I cry out to You, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.”
Lord, Thank You for this day and this scripture. The hardest thing I have ever done is come to the end of myself and the end of my understanding of You and to keep moving forward on blind faith and trust that You are who You say You are. Thank You for the understanding that I do not know You fully, will never know You fully on this side of the veil, but that every step I take in faith, every time I seek Your face, You will reveal a little more of who You are, draw me just a bit closer. Thank You for always walking with me, even when I can’t feel Your presence. Thank You for the faith that You are there. Amen.
Job 30:31 “My lyre is tuned to mourning, and my pipe to the sound of wailing.”
Have a blessed day.